September 4, 2013

Things I'm Tired of Seeing On The Bus

Baby Strollers: There needs to be a limit on the number of strollers allowed on a bus at any given time. I'm suggesting 1, preferably zero. Also, why are baby strollers doubling in size every year? It looks like these parents are trying to push a combination lawn swing, Vespa, and wheelchair on the bus and it's not going to be pretty. There's already a traffic jam outside the bus, we don't need another one inside the bus.

Dumb Baseball Caps: If you're going to wear a cap, just wear the damn thing. Don't leave it lightly resting atop your hair looking like a plastic lego accessory, just wear it! Take off the size sticker and press it onto your stupid skull before I do.

Moron Parents: Please watch your kids. Don't leave your pack of shrieking kids at the front of the bus while you sit at the back because there was a seat free, then proceed to shout at them every half-minute telling them to settle down. Don't be a backseat parent, just watch your kids.

Ripped Jeans: If the holes and rips in your jeans are so numerous and gaping that you would be more concealed wearing shorts ... then you're officially just draping your legs with garbage. Get off the bus at the next available stop, find a mall, and becoming a functioning human being.

People Who Reek (aka The Skuzz): If you can't be bothered to rinse your body off every now again, do not put yourself in an enclosed metal box with limited ventilation. And don't just empty a can of Axe body spray on yourself and then think everything is okay. You're just trading one stench for another.

Cellphone Shouters: Think your conversation is important enough to share with 20-30 strangers? It's not. Get the fuck off the phone. I have yet to hear one single phone call on a bus that seemed important enough to warrant yacking one's face off in public. The time has come to start ejecting people off the bus against their will, then maybe they'd actually have something worth talking about.

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